


le éveil

by Akashamaliya



Category: NCT (Band)
Genre: Angst and Fluff and Smut, Bi-Curiosity, Canon Compliant, Dong Si Cheng | WinWin & Nakamoto Yuta are Best Friends, Doyoung and Johnny are the best friends anyone could have, First Kiss, Friends With Benefits, Internalized Homophobia, M/M, Practice Kissing, Straight jaehyun, Straight to bisexual
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-04-26
Updated: 2019-09-02
Packaged: 2020-02-04 19:26:38
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 5
Words: 6,537
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18610963
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Akashamaliya/pseuds/Akashamaliya
Summary: Yuta is feeling frustrated and wants to expirement. He trusts Jaehyun, he likes Jaehyun, he asks Jaehyun to help him out. Jaehyun is a bro so of course he does.





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Okay, so after 3 years of stanning NCT and swallowing every single fanfic written about them here, I decided to write one myself. Please keep in mind that english is not my native language and I have no talent in writing whatsoever. So, yeah, here is the most common trope ever.

"Hey, what are you doing?" Yuta said , slowly coming inside.

"nothing much, I was about to lie down and chill."  Jaehyun looked up , smiling. He had just put on clean clothes, a pink hoodie and some grey pants. He looked soft, the whole room smelled like his shampoo. They had returned from practice not too long ago and some had decided to grab a bite on the way back before coming home, some had already gone to sleep.

Yuta was troubled though, his thoughts encircled his whole existence lately, not letting him rest as well as he wanted. Some of the members had already witnessed him having nightmares and waking up in the middle of the night. “I just wanted some company, is it okay If I stay here for a while? We can watch that web series you like Jaehyunnie" Yuta said.

"Sure, come and sit next to me hyung" The room was illuminated by a small lamp in the bedside table.The two of them were sitting with their backs on the wall, their bodies close to each other. They had been watching for several minutes now when Jaehyun paused and looked at a confused Yuta. "What’s the matter hyung? I can feel that you are stressed. Is something wrong?"

Yuta shifted and looked at him. Jaehyun was young but he was mature and responsible.He could give really good advice. Taeyong always talked about the times that Jaehyun was there for him and they had supported each other. If you asked Yuta, though, whenever he tried to talk with Jaehyun, he was always left to wonder how on earth could a person be so perfect, so elegant and so sexy at the same time. He always wondered if fans looked at him and thought he was handsome. He always felt happy when he read comments about him. He was not a narcissist, of course, but when you are surrounded with people like Taeyong and Jaehyun all the time, you start to worry a little bit. 

"Jaehyun can I trust you with a secret?" he said, his nerves already making his heart beat faster with anxiety

"Sure tell me" his younger friend answered

"okay, here we go but please let it stay between us. I don't want anyone else to know just yet. Can I trust you?"

"I promise hyung. Is it about your home? Do you miss your family? You know how everyone feels bad from time to time."

"actually it's not only that" Yuta had a dreadful look on his face. "apart from these, I have this feeling lately when looking at you or some other idols, male idols... At first I thought I was jealous of you guys, johnny’s manliness, taeyong’s face, your... nice body...but I am starting to think I want more...to...wow this is hard" Yuta blushed 

The nervousness and tension were starting to get thick in the room. Jaehyun's eyes were wide open, looking aroung like he was trying to find the proper thing to say. "are you gay hyung?"

"The thing is that I don't really know. I mean I want to try, sure, but I still like women and I would like to have a relationship at some point. It's just that I don't want to have rumours circulating my name, you know how things are here." Yuta said being honest

"I think that most of us are pretty open minded hyung. It’s a little weird since we all live together and not everyone is so accepting" jeahyun said while moving his hands nervously here and there.

“I know but I feel so insecure, stressed and sexually deprived" Yuta sighed, finally voicing all of his emotions   

"I have only kissed once and it feels like it was ages ago. How much more is this poor hand going to endure? " He said, trying to lighten the mood.

Jaehyun laughed. The tension finally was starting to fading away, "Hey we all share the same burdens though, don’t worry about that. I mean I would kill to make out with a cute girl but free time is so limited. I don’t have the energy to hide something like that from our managers too. They would freaking kill us if we started to lose focus. So, that will have to wait"

"Right, dating is impossible" Yuta said, pausing for a moment "but kissing would actually be a good stress relief" Yuta suggested while starting to notice every little feature on his friend's face.

"That's true" Jae agreed slowly

"I am not even sure how I feel. If I wanted to kiss a guy just to be sure, I would have to choose someone that will not expect anything more to happen or someone that will not judge me" Yuta continued "Just some frenching and I would be good to go" Yuta let a shaky laugh

Wordless begging was lingering between them. Jaehyun started shifting on the bed. "Hyung… I don’t think that’s…you don't really..right?" Jaehyun had averted his gaze to his right, not really looking at anything ''I am straight'' 

"Jae,…I know you are but before you say anything, I actually think that’s a good idea. You get to kiss, I mean if you don’t actually hate it and I get to do my expirement" Yuta said in one breath. After hours and hours of rehearsing it in his head, it still sounded lame. Was he really proposing it on his friend and bandmate? If he was him, he would have told him to get out.

But sweet as a mochi Jaehyun didn't. On the other hand, he had an unreadable expression on his face, like he was contemplating it. "Yuta hyung, even if I am down to do it, which I can't promise you, I mean we can try but you might end up getting punched in the face out of reflex..."

Yuta scoffed and rolled his eyes

"Isn’t it going to be weird?" He said " Afterwards I mean. We would have to see each other all the time."

"Well, I can’t guarantee it won’t. But I know I will be the same, just more reassured" Yuta said, finally feeling more controlled now that Jaehyun seemed okay with them chatting about it. ( or at least not laughing to his face )

A moment of silence passed. Yuta would swear he could hear the sound of Jaehyun's brain working overtime.

"okay" he finally said

"okay?" Yuta asked perplexed

"yeah sure, we can try it I mean. No big deal. If we hate it, _if I hate it_ , we stop" Jaehyun stated like he was talking about trying a new dish.

Yuta, seeing this was his only chance before his friend changed his mind, leaned closer. He tried to focus on Jaehyun's lips now. They looked so soft for a man's lips. 

"What's wrong?''

"Nothing, I just can't find the push I need to actually do it. Can...Can you start ?"oh great, he sounded like a virgin teenager now. Well, he actually was but he didn’t want to sound like one.

''Yeah, sure'' Jaehyun moved forward. Their lips finally touched, both moving them awkwardly. Yuta felt that it was a little anticlimatic for sure but it still felt a little nice. Their hot breaths started mingling together, Jaehyun's cherry toothpaste leaving an aftertaste on his mouth, Jaehyun’s smell filling his lungs.

They stopped for a second. Both shifted on the bed to feel a little more comfortable. Yuta, feeling brave, moved first now. Reuniting their lips, urging them to move more feverish. Jaehyun’s lips felt nice but there was no doubt they belonged to a man. It was so weird yet so pleasurable. His overactive thinking though got interrupted when Jaehyun’s hand landed on the small of Yuta’s back, making him feel ticklish. 

He felt his mouth going slack, opening a little bit. Inviting him to explore his mouth. And Jaehyun did.

While running his fingers over his waist and back, he massaged his tongue with his own. Yuta let a slight whimper at the feeling of wetness in his mouth. Heat was radiating from his body, shuddering a little bit . He felt like he was having a painless fever.

The Japanese boy let his hand wander over Jaehyun’s leg, feeling his bony thigh. That’s when he felt a hand over his own, caressing it for a moment and then stopping it. Their mouths disconnected. He could see panic in his bandmate’s eyes. "sorry umm, We should stop now " Jaehyun said

Yuta nodded, still hovering near "Right", "We really have to sleep, early practice tomorrow right?". Trying to laugh it off, he got up, heading for the door "Goodnight Jae"

"goodnight hyung" Jaehyun says and as soon as the lights turned off, he let a deep exhale and lied on his stomach.

Hopefully the sweet sleep would come before his brain had time to process what the hell happened.


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hi again! So apparently my mind can play some really nasty smut but when it comes to writing I am very innocent. I have no idea what I am doing or where this is going but feel free to enjoy the ride!

The next month passed quite easily. They had many promotion projects and practice since they were about to visit United States for their ~regular~ comeback.

They haven't really talked about the ''incident'' but it was obvious from both ends that they decided to pretend like nothing really happened. And it was no bid deal indeed. They were professionals and nothing would put their work and career at risk.

So, tonight they were having a nice evening. They had just finished a vlive, everyone was finally dismissed and allowed to do their things. Yuta had been watching anime with Sicheng for the last hour and a half. They were found by the rest of the gang, curled at the couch. Yuta was munching some healthy snacks ( What kind of crap was he even eating? fuck idol life ). His baggy shirt had fallen a little bit below his one shoulder. Sicheng was half asleep and looked like a kitten according to Taeil.  

"I am gonna have a hot shower and freaking hiberate. See you in a couple of days guys'' Johnny said leaving the living room.

"Remember to eat and drink something before, don't make me come over your bed every few hours and check if you are alive'' Taeyong said half laughing half serious while going towards the rooms too.

Jaehyun had just finished showering. He was looking at his phone absent-mindedly while trying to find where he had put his charger.For some really twisted reason though, the image of -best friends for ever Sicheng and Yuta- being glued to each other almost made him puke. Sichend had his head on Yuta's shoulder and Yuta was playing with his hair, humming. He immediately started looking around to see if anyone else found this skinship annoying but apparently the few members that were still passing through didn't even think the image was worthy of any more thoughts. Disgusted, mostly by himself because apparently he was being homophobic all of a sudden, he grabbed the charger while looking at Yuta ( a Yuta that looked back at him with a spark in his eyes) and went straight to his room.

Half an hour later, the whole dorm was asleep.

Jaehyun was utterly relieved. He loved silence, especially when he was going through an exhausting period of an upcoming comeback. He reached for his bottle of water next to him and after a moment of groping empty air, he realized he had forgotten to take one with him. He dragged his legs to the hallway, heading to the kitchen, but then a noise from the bathroom caught his attention.

At first he thought someone had a stomachache. He had always liked to think of himself as a kind and caring person so that's why he waited for a moment to check if someone was indeed having trouble in there. When he was about to speak and ask if anything was alright, another sound was heard. and oh what an innocent jackass Jaehyun was.

He was there worrying about his fellow bandmate, but if anything, the person inside was having a rather good time. It makes sense though, they were hormonal boys and this was without a doubt the perfect time for someone to relieve some tension. It wasn't like anyone of them had the luxury of some alone time.

However, the moment he realized that the person inside was Yuta, he felt like he was punched on the chest. He was already breathing hard and whimpering beautifully and shit that is something he should get away from immediately.

It was his bandmate, how much of a pervert he was to eavesdrop his friend??

It was a relatively loud moan from Yuta though that made him finally go straight to the kitchen, grab a cold bottle and almost run back to his room and bed. He lied down, trying to calm his racing heart (he blamed running for his racing heart) and closed his eyes.

That night he had some weird dreams. He dreamt of future concerts, girls screaming their names, Taeyong nagging about bread crumbs on the floor and a smirking Yuta making himself comfortable in his arms.

~

Their time in USA had been very fulfilling so far. Their comeback included show appearances, meeting new people, refreshing their english, or in some cases learning some basic phrases, chances for new collaborations...They were tired but in a very good mood overall.

So, tonight they had decided to enjoy their last night with some drinks and junk food. The night was rolling beautifully. Taeyong had started being a giggling mess from the first gulps of alcohol to noone's surprise. And he continued to be a giggling mess till later when they were parting ways, everyone was saying their goodnights while walking into their hotel rooms.

 

Yuta was playing on his phone when he let a sudden laugh. "Oh you have to hear that" shouted to Doyoung. “Johnny says that our leader is trying to paint his hair green again with a highlighter marker!” 

Doyoung made a face and stopped applying his night face cream "What? You can’t be serious! He will destroy the last remaining brain cells he has left".

"I am serious. Johnny sent me a video. He is in Taeyong’s and Jaehyun’s room" Yuta said pointing the phone to Doyoung

"My gosh, my poor thing. He looks so confused and drunk, why is no one helping him?"

"Your POOR thing? You were trying to kick him on the shin a few hours ago!" Yuta said

"That is totally different" Doyoung raised his hands in defense while taking his card and phone. "I will be over there, okay? You should rest"

10 minutes had passed and Yuta had totally relaxed, sank down on the bed and closed his eyes when he heard a knock on the door. He groaned but the knocking continued so he eventually walked up to the door.

"what happened? I thought you took your card..?" he said while opening but there was Jaehyun at the door, smiling shyly while looking extra soft with his black pants and black shirt.

"Can I come in hyung?"

"of course"Yuta said. Both stood in the middle of the room. Yuta waiting patiently to tell him why he had come over.

"Doyoung told me to come over and sleep here. I hope you don’t mind. He will stay with Taeyong tonight to make sure he is okay" Jaehyun said apologetically

"Why I saw that coming?" Yuta laughed "No problem though, I was about to sleep actually".

They were both lying down on their beds but while Jaehyun was making himself comfortable, he let a groan.

"What’s wrong?" Yuta asked looking at his direction

"It's nothing, I have this pain on my shoulder, I strained it somehow, I hope it doesn’t get worse" Jaehyun said

Yuta nodded, looked at the wall, looked at jaehyun again. "Do you want me to massage it?" Jeez why did he have to sound so weird saying it? They were friends and bandmates. Everyone was used to that kind of stuff. It was not rare for the boys to help each other.

"Do you have a lotion?" Jaehyun said and honestly Yuta thought he sounded kind of eager. He was probably in much pain.

"Here let me help" Yuta said while climbing on the bed with the lotion

"It feels stiff"

"hmm"  Jaehyun was letting his eyes close with relief. Massaging was always a good idea especially when in pain.

Yuta’s hands were feeling his back and neck. It was the sounds of pleasure that Jaehyun let from time to time that made him feel some kind of warmth. His hands were travelling lower with his fingers trying to apply pressure everywhere he could. He wanted to make him feel as good as possible.

"Do you want me to massage you anywhere else?" He asked and he meant it as an honest question but the whispering wrapped a layer of sin around the words.

Jaehyun opened his eyes and turned around looking straight to Yuta’s eyes. Realizing he had probably screwed their friendship, Yuta was about to get up and ask him to never speak about it again but Jaehyun grabbed his hand and pulled him down.

"Look, I am sorry, I didn’t mean…" Yuta said but got interrupted by Jaehyun’s lips on his own.

Jaehyun kissed him gently. Firmly but gently. Yuta didn’t have time to question and he didn’t exactly want to.

He let his hands wander on Jaehyun’s chest this time. Jaehyun kissed him one more time before he started kissing his way to Yuta’s pierced ear. His thumb caressing his bottom lip now. The wetness on his ear and neck was making him dizzy.

Jaehyun turned to look at Yuta’s face for any discomfort but Yuta let his lips part instead while slighty kissing Jaehyun’s thumb that still rested there.

Their mouths connected again for a deeper kiss. Their tongues dancing with each other and Jaehyun was kissing him with fever, making him feel wanted, needed. Yuta couldn’t decide what felt better. He was so deprived of any contact. The fact that Jaehyun was lying him down while hovering over him was awakening something inside him.

They were chest to chest now, their legs mingled and he was starting to sport a half boner just from making out. Jaehyun’s muscled arms didn’t help the situation either. As if that wasn't enough, he felt his lips get bitten by the animal that is Jaehyun and he had to let a very embarrassing whimper. And then another one and another one while Jaehyun was grabbing his waist and legs, reddening them with the pressure he applied.

"Jaehyun? Wait, what is this? Yuta said because his brain had to stop all the fun he was having. "Are you sure you want this?"

"I am sorry wow” Jaehyun answered, his lips reddened and coated with saliva "I shouldn’t have rushed like this"

"It’s not that Jae, I just ask to make sure, aren’t you straight?" 

“I am still straight Yuta” Jaehyun said

"What kind of drink did you have that confused you so much?" Yuta said giggling trying to lighten the mood

Jaehyun smiled and took a deep breath

"I guess I got carried away from the pleasure and I am horny as hell you know"

"what did you say?"

"that I am horny as hell"

Yuta rolled his eyes "not that, you said pleasure" , "do you like what we are doing Jaehyun?" he said, his voice getting deeper

"Well, yeah obviously. I mean who wouldn’t like it hyung? Look at you" he said smiling honestly "any woman or man would be lucky to have you"

Yuta shivered from just hearing these few words.

"Jaehyun" he whispered

"It’s true" Jaehyun said while trying to look away

"anyway, If you agree to this, whatever this is that we are doing, I don’t mind. I want to know if you are down to continue. I don’t know if I can go any further though. Just making out is okay with me."

"I am okay with that. Making out is okay, more than okay, Yuta said, a wide smile appearing "It’s kinda relaxing"

"cool, now come and show me what that healing tongue of yours can do" Jaehyun said while grabbing Yuta and guiding him to his lap.


	3. Chapter 3

''lower...''

''where?'' Jaehun asked teasingly "show me with your hands"

Yuta caressed his chest with his own fingers, shaking with pleasure when Jaehyun started kissing his neck and collarbones, (oh those collarbones), alternating his kisses with littles bites, revelling on the little sounds Yuta was making.

"I want you to take this off hyung...come on'' Jaehyun said unbuckling Yuta's pants, hunging his fingertips on Yuta's waistband, tugging impatiently. After a moment Yuta was already a moaning mess, clutching on Jaehyun's shoulders for dear life. Jaehyun was getting them off again, holding both of his dicks at his hand, smirking at Yuta, his own breath becoming ragged. "one of these days you will have to do it too you know, I would love to see your pretty fingers getting involved''

''You know I can't multitask when I am overwhelmed" Yuta said between moans "besides I would rather do the sucking'' Jaehyun scoffed but he was seemingly affected by the words.

It was the 3rd time they were doing this after they landed back to Seoul. Yuta wasn't counting per se but their times together were imprinted on his mind. One time after practice, when the rest of the members were taking a break, these two had locked themselves in a closet. A small but big enough closet for Yuta to get on his knees in front of Jaehyun and trace his happy trail with his fingers, eventually tasting him. Another time they had made out and got each other off in the middle of the night, when everybody was asleep, blaming it on their pent up hormonal tension. However, all of these times had been rushed.

Unlike now.

Because now they had somehow ended up alone in the dorm for one whole hour and they would enjoy every single minute of it. They had been in Jaehyun's room, stripping each other from their clothes, taking their time at first. Jaehyun had been jerking them off faster now, his manly groans making Yuta feel light headed. Yuta, who had now placed his head on his chest, was shaking, feeling he was coming closer and closer.

"Jaehyun..." Jaehyun replied with placing his hand lower on his butt, grabbing it.

"Ugh" Yuta moaned

"You like that" the younger said

"You know I like that"

"I bet you would like it even more if I grabbed you from behind, thrusting into you" Jaehyun said while he continued the motion.

With that, Yuta came with a silent cry, Jaehyun following after some seconds. If Yuta wasn't trying to recover from the waves of pleasure that just hit him, he would try to analyze more about what Jaehyun just said. Of course, it was for the sake of dirty talk but they had never said anything about actual sex.

Meanwhile, Jaehyun was already cleaning both of them with a fresh, clean towel he had just brought. Yuta feeling very tired now, was putting his clothes on, when Jaehyun suddenly cupped his face, placing some light kisses on his face and lips. "What is up with you tonight?" he asked "You are not usually like that''

"We don't usually have this much time in our hands"

"Is that it?" Yuta felt unsatisfied with his answer

"Sure, what else?" Jaehyun said, kissing him deeper and lazier. Yuta melted on the kiss, leaning on the taller boy, hugging him. They had been losing themselves in their own little world all this time, so that's why they had missed the sound of the main door opening and closing.

Doyoung had returned home earlier than expected because he was feeling a little feverish. Ironically, though, when he slowly opened the door to their shared room and saw them glued to each other, kissing, he ( more like all three of them ) froze. Jaehyun opened his mouth, trying to think of something to say but couldn't come up with anything. Doyoung, apologetically, shut the door and left. "I am gonna talk to him" Jaehyun said and followed him right after in the hallway.

"Hey, can we talk?' he said to Doyoung, running his hand through his hair. 

"Let me guess, it's not what I think it is?" the other boy laughed "Honestly, sorry it’s just we didn't know you guys started dating, that’s all"

"What do you mean? We are not dating…" Jaehyun said defensively "What you saw…" he said while trying to find the right words, "it was just something to release tension" Jaehyun said, a weird anxious feeling starting to build up inside him

"Oh, oh okay" doyound said "sorry, I guess that happens too" Their awkward glances filling the space between them "So it was the first time right?" doyound asked

Jaehyun rubbed his neck nervously "No, it’s not the first, more like third, I don't remember?"

"Well, well, I am sure you don't " Doyoung smiled, little wrinkles forming around his eyes

"What are you trying to say hyung?" Jae said serious 

"There is no need for you to get tense, I am just trying... to help you? I don't know. What I know is that it was quite difficult for me and Taeyong in the beginning too. It can be complicated to start dating your friend, housemate and a coworker above all things.."

"Wait, hold on a sec. Are you two together?"

"Yeah, for quite a long time. You have to be a little careful, Jaehyun, and be sure about the people you trust. The world can be a little cruel sometimes, but there are some good people among us, so don’t feel discouraged"

To say that Jaehyun was shocked would be an understatement. "Uhm, we are still not like you two though, we don’t have feelings involved, it’s just physical. I like girls hyung" 

Doyoung didn't answer anything and that made Jaehyun a little more upset. Instead, Doyoung smiled to him and said "You know you can always talk to me if something changes" .

And after he patted his head goodnight, Jaehyun was left alone in the dim lighted kitchen. He leaned on the wall, feeling the coldness on his back. He started to think back to that night when Yuta had first approached him, starting to wish he had managed to fall asleep before his older friend had opened the door to his room…to all this...

~

The next week had thankfully been busy for all of them. For Jaehyun had been exactly what he needed. The more he focused on work, the more he could avoid Yuta without the other boy getting suspicious. The more he worked, the more tired he would be. The more tired he would be, the easier he could fall asleep at night, without having thoughts of panic, guilt and arousal.

"What’s wrong with him?" Johnny asked Yuta, looking worried. "I haven’t seem him like that since his debut". They were currently at the practice room, taking a break for some hydrating drinks. Some were grabbing their towels, wiping some of the sweat off them. Yuta had noticed of course but he tried all this time to push all worrisome thoughts to the side. Honestly, he expected it to happen sooner or later, _this distance between them_ , but he hoped he could enjoy it a bit more. At first, he thought Jaehyun simply was his ambitious himself but whenever he tried to approach him and taste the sweetness of lips, the younger wouldn’t even spare a glance on him.

"nothing, he wants to have a good comeback, like all of us” Yuta shrugged "What’s the problem with that?"

"the problem is that if he keeps going on like that, we will have to book him a nice hospital room for recovery, come on, this is getting unhealthy” Johnny said and Yuta felt a weird sting in his chest upon hearing these words. He stared at Jaehyun, who happened to look back at him at the time but the younger quickly changed his direction, heading to Taeyong.

Yuta was on the verge of tears. He didn’t even have the right to feel angry or sad, right? They had agreed to it being casual. Was he so much worried about Jaehyun's state? He might be young but he was a grown up, he could take care of himself. He had to collect himself and get back to practice.

"Come on guys, let’s repeat it one more time. If you get it right, we can call it day and rest" the choreographer said

Yuta wiped his watery eyes, hoping that the rest would think he is sweaty from all the dancing and took his position. He was hitting his moves well and smoothly until he started to check all of their reflections on the mirror. He caught a glimpse of Jaehyun, Jaehyun’s lips, Jaehyun’s back, Jaehyun’s hair bouncing...and...

“Wrong! Guys wait a sec” their teacher said

Groans of disappointment echoed in the room "Yuta got a movement wrong, we have to repeat it one more time"

Yuta tried to remember what he did wrong when he felt a push on the chest "Are you serious hyung? Can’t you just be good for once?" Jaehyun said leaving the rest of the members shocked at the sudden attack. Johnny tried to pull him back but the boy was still pushing Yuta, who started hitting back,defending himself 

"everyone stop" the manager shouted "I don’t know what the problem is but you better solve it immediately. You are a team. Now go back to the dorms"

Jaehyun scoffed and rushed to take his bag. "Can we talk about what the fuck was that?" Yuta said to him

"I need to rest hyung, please just let me be" Jaehyun sighed and honestly yuta took pity on him. He looked exhausted and disheveled

"Fine, let’s go home" Yuta said and he turned to take his own bag

While they were taking their seats inside the van though, yawns and pained groans sounding from here and there, Doyoung touched Yuta's shoulder. Yuta's brows furrowed but before he had time to ask, Doyoung whispered to him "give him some time, I think everything will be fine soon" 

Yuta checked Doyoung’s face for any clarification but all he saw was that Doyoung was smiling with a spark of hope in his eyes. He took a seat next to him and he felt his own body relaxing a little bit, unconsciously starting to smile too.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> find me on twitter if you want to talk  
> twt @2KaterinaK4  
> The last chapter might take a while because I work full time and study ^^ hit me with suggestions if you want


	4. Chapter 4

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A very small chapter. I have a writer's block on this story (If you can call me a writer imao) and I have been quite busy but I don't want to leave it unfinished. :) so bear with me

Eyes started getting blurry.

Jaehyun was lying on his bed, the time was half past 11, most members were sleeping too tired from all the practice or had their headphones on, enjoying some personal time.

He was stuck looking at the ceiling. How long has he staring at it? Seconds, several minutes probably. His mind blank like a book filled with white pages. How many days have gone by? How many days have passed since he had asked Yuta for some time to think?

He wanted him, that was for sure. He wanted to taste him again, he wanted to see his smile again, hear his laughter, touch his hair, smell him, listen carefully to the little sounds he made when they cuddled together. That warmth was filling him so perfectly. He was missing that warmth.

So what was on the way? Scrolling their instagram and twitter posts, a smile was creeping, seeing all the love that fans headed towards them. Would he disappoint them so bad if they found out what was going on? Would he disappoint his family? Maybe he wasn’t what they wanted him to be. How would he explain something that he hadn't even realized himself till recently? Would they understand or would they feel ashamed?

His head hurt, he had to get up. He barely made his way to the bathroom when he heard some whispering from the living room. His curiosity won and he went to look what was going on. The figures in the dark seemed preoccupied though. They didn’t pay him any attention. He was about to make himself visible when he heard a familiar whine.

"Winwinie, come on let me go, I am fine. I told you" Yuta giggled playfully

"No, you said we were gonna sit and watch the whole season. Come on hyung you promised" Winwin pouted "besides, I like cuddling with you"

"like I could go and deny you anything. I just wanted to see those lips" Yuta laughed and pecked Winwin on the cheek.

Something turned inside Jaehyun’s stomach. He felt his guts boiling. How could this happening? Did the rest of the group know? He immediately left and threw himself on the bed. This was going to be a long night. Half an hour later, after tossing and turning on the bed, he heard some noise on the hallway. Peeking through the door he saw that eventually Yuta and Winwin had called it a night. Before going to his own room, though, Winwin went to the bathroom. Jaehyun decided that this was his chance. He carefully closed the door and went outside the bathroom door. He was waiting impatiently, his heart was starting to beat faster.

"Oh hey, you want to go in? " sicheng said when he saw him

"no actually, I would like to have a talk with you" Jaehyun said "if you don’t mind"  he couldn’t help the hostile tone in his voice.

"sure, let’s go to the living room" Winwin said, looking mildly like he was expecting it.

After they made themselves comfortable on the couch, Jaehyun grabbed a cushion, playing with it absentmindedly. Winwin looked at him worried

"what is happening? What is wrong with you? You know we can help you right. If there is anything we could do…"

"What is going on between you and Yuta?" Jaehyun interrupted him as he couldn't stand it any longer.

Winwin stared for a moment as if he wanted to make sure Jaehyun wasn’t joking.

"We are friends and co workers. What do you mean?"

"cut the crap...you are so lovey dovey all the time"

"we are best friends Jaehyun, what’s the problem. I am like that with Mark too."

Jaehyun exhaled hard

"What is going on with _you two_ though?"

Jaehyun ended up telling him the whole story, leaving out the spicy details but including his shitty behavior and the ghosting. Winwin seemed like he was thinking for a moment, weighing the good and the bad.

"Have I lost him?" Jaehyun said shaking a little. Not only because he revealed to someone that he was vulnerable but also because he was finally admitting it out loud, to himself.

"Dude, I think it’s gonna be alright if you actually get to talk to him. I mean" he said smirking a little, "Yuta knew he was bisexual since we were rookies"

Wait what?

Jaehyun looked confused "What I mean is…" winwin continued "he didn’t have to experiment with you bro, he knew all along. He had told me years ago to see if I cared. I had told him it made no difference to me anyways. I was happy enough to have such an angel for a friend. You know back in the days he had helped me with, well, pretty much everything."

Jaehyun stood up throwing that pillow. He hugged a very shocked Winwin and kissed him on the cheek. 

After finally lying down, he closed his eyes.

Tomorrow was going to be a good day. He could try and be happy again.


	5. Chapter 5

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Well here is some fluff for you . I am sorry it's super short but I needed a closure.

You know when you make plans and god just laughs at you? Well then, Jaehyun happened to experience that the next day. He had sincerely hoped that things would start to get better but when he woke up with a headache and a stuffed nose, he regretted all the times he ignored Taeyong telling him to wear more layers after practice.

A panicked taeyong was marching in and out of the room, preparing hot beverages and yelling about upcoming show appearances. Johnny was frowning, telling him in english to chill because stress makes nothing better and jaehyun was sinking into the mattress, re evaluating his life choices of becoming an idol. It's something that always happens when he is sick. The feeling of weakness becomes insecurity and insecurity turns into mere sadness. 

~

Noon had arrived and Jaehyun was feeling a bit sleepy. His droopy eyes closing every now and then. 

The room had a dim light and the drapes had been closed down. Taeyong had made sure all the members were either out practicing and doing chores or isolated in the rooms. He was mentally counting when Doyoung stole a kiss from him and whispered to him "gosh why are you like this?" but smiled nonetheless. 

Then there was a crack on the floor and a small light coming into the room as the door to his room  slightly opened. 

Jaehyun opened his eyes and met with a smiling Yuta above him.

"Am I dreaming?" He said jokingly

"I don't know. What kind of dreams do you usually have?"

"Bad ones" he said laughing but Yuta didn't find it amusing.

"Do you want me to make you something?"  Yuta said after a moment

"Yes, you can make a cup of hot tea and accept my apology" 

"What apology? " Yuta said, brows raising

"The one I have been preparing for a while now but truthfully I can't find the right words." 

"Then tell me what you feel Jae"

Jaehyun exhaled hard letting a breath he was holding all this time. 

"I feel...I want you....a lot"

A small smile appeared on Yuta's face. His smile making Jaehyun feel a lot better. It was healing after all.

"Can I kiss you?"

"But I am sick"

"Don't care" Yuta said and crawled on his lap.  It felt good having him like that after so long. He had missed it, missed him. He started nibbing his lips, his fingers travelling on the back of his head,  massaging it gently. 

The simple touches and Yuta's weight on top of him made him feel all hot and bothered after being touch starved for so long.

The kissing led to making out. The making out led to lazy cuddling and sipping the hot tea Yuta made for both of them.

"Yuta?"

"Hmm" Yuta replied nuzzling his head on top of the younger's chest.

"I feel like we have left a lot of things unsaid" nervousness started to form in his voice

"We can discuss later, Jae,  I want us to rest for now,  we both need it"

"Okay. But just so you know, I am not letting you go again" said while bringing Yuta even closer 

Yuta sighed happily 

A moment passed and Jaehyun talked again 

"Are you asleep?" 

"Nope, you are not letting me" Yuta laughed

"This is the best I've felt in a long time"

Yuta lifted his gaze and shifted a little so he could leave a small peck on his lips. 

"Me too"


End file.
